Randomly Life

Waking up after a sad dream and seeing the sun shining bright is bittersweet.
But what if it rains, what if the sky remains covered with dark clouds?
…It leaves an eerie taste of melancholy in your heart.

And unfortunately I get to taste the second one a lot.

I wish it were different than it is.

Sometimes things go wrong and oddness fills your mind.
What do you do then?
Stay calm and neutral? Or run around vomiting your madness?

I am naturally weird. But I can’t be anything unusual.
Although I get the wish to go and jump in the middle of the sea…and..err.. drown and jump off the terrace of a building with 10 floors.

I wonder if I could be more acceptable and graceful.
I can’t pretend. That’s another problem.

Why are you never happy with your life?

I bet no one is. Not 100%.
No way.

And I want to be happy till I die. I want to be with the person I love.
I want to embrace every moment of life. I want to experience every bit of my success and stupidity.

I know I don’t ever make any sense.

But I need to speak my mind to someone…and that’s you.

P.S.- I love you.

~ Yours Pixie

Winter came...

I saw a frozen dewdrop on a thorn of a cactus.
"Are you here?", I asked.

"Yes sugar", whispered Winter.

I live in a hot city. Snowy hills, white roads and frozen lakes aren't here.
I never glided, I never skated.
But still I love Winter. I found a silent grace in Winter's footsteps.
I love it when I'm alone at my balcony at a wintry dawn with my hands under the warm wrapper around me and the city sleeps.

Or the nights with frozen stars and cold lonelyness.
I love every bit of it.

Winter makes me feel like a lone teardrop. There's something so romantic about it.
Yet, I don't long for you in my cold nights. I want to be hurt, more hurt and alone.
A love for pain winter brings in me.

I don't know why and how.

But somehow when I shiver in the night seeing a bad dream, I want you to be with me.

P.s.- I love you.

~ Yours Pixie

feelings I say

I feel like I'm drifting with the clouds on so high in this blue autumn sky.
A joyful surrounding is caressing my feelings.
Like a forlorn dewdrop I stay on the edge of the grass thinking if to fall or not.
A cold breeze blows shivering all my hidden aches.
my feelings, they haunt me sometimes.
You would say, what is the point of feeling when you can not express your feelings.
But look at me, I still have hope, i can bloom with new dreams and may be... may be someday I would be able to speak louder the words I'm thinking or mumbling.
Would it be enough to let the world know?
who would understand?

And I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight back every hard truth that's ready to smash me.

Days are duller sometimes, but the sun shines in its own way always. So I follow the sun. I carry the strength in me of shinning on after heavy rain, upon the sky.

Feelings of being empty, feelings of being defeated and ignored, being hurt and betrayed, i have those. But do I show?

No. I don't.

I hold them deep in me.

And the day I find you, I'll pour my love of pain in my devotion towards you.

I believe you would be there for me, always and forever, to listen with me the stories of fallen leaves and raindrops.

till then, take care.

~ Yours Pixie

Because..

My another sleepless night had passed, another rainy day in Autumn had began...and I missed you.
Do I know you?
No, you don't think so; nor do I.

You don't know me truly...and I know, you never would.

But still I'm so obsessed with you, with your eyes, your words. And those leave me with nothing but a deeper wound in the heart.
By entity is buried in your wilderness....
my love towards you is like the fragrance to flower, the colors to sky, the melody to music...
no, I am not a mad person. Most probably.

I appear to be quite alright.
It's just that I cant hold my suppressed feelings anymore within a little me.
There's left a world to tell you...
But look, I'm shattered, lost in this solitary moment...

Because the tears are falling,
Because the time is passing,
Because this moment is fading
In an  ocean of endless pain,
And I'm still standing here for you...

....

p.s.~ I love You.

- yours Pixie.