The end of her.

I've abandoned this blog.
Why?
Because I grew up.
I don't write open letters anymore.
Also I am now incapable of being this sensitive and romantic.
If you want to read, go on. But this person has changed, for good.
So may it rest in peace while I go on living...
As life is led by all
more or less
enacting
the myth of Sisyphus.

Blue is the Sky

The Blue is ever-stretching,
longer than athanasia ,
flowing within 
the perpetuity of time.
But it ends,
the failure of my eyesight
is somehow the reason why
the Blue ends -
Somewhere down the horizon...
I lay still in the embrace of a meadow
on the vale of autumn grace,
Astounded by the smell of
An unceasing mortal melody
of my beautiful loneliness.

Learning through the wrong way in a world of lies

I wish it was what it seemed.
Mistake made, another one again.
But sometimes you need to take a chance; I did, and fell from grace.

"...And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"
- Pink Floyd

The vague conception hiding deep in my heart that the world isn't pretending all the time, is irritating and idiotic.
I always fall for the wrong person; get hurt; cry; write poems in the middle of the night.
Recently, my insomniac nights have withdrawn productiveness, being diseased by an endless stupor of my inept mind.
So, I don't write anymore.
Something more has died within me. I don't ask anymore, "Why me?"
Maybe all these wrong things are good in a way. Every being has to be tempered with enough agony to mean something in the end.
Sometimes I just wish...wish life was a better film, a mainstream one, maybe worthless, but happier.
And yet I wish more, defying the rules of the real world, in my own immature and foolish ways. I wish you'd call me up and tell me you are sorry. I wish you'd get hurt and feel the way you have hurt me. I wish you'd fail terrible time and again, and feel the guilt of letting me down. I wish you'd fix your mistakes and fix my broken heart too. I wish....I wish you were the one I wanted you to be.
Not the phantom of my dreams, but the savior of my reality.
We were on a journey; I planned things like foolish people and you left me in a halfway house.
Lessons, they must be learned.
But I still wait, don't know why.
No, I don't want you back. Then why?
I'm okay, I'm alright. I can carry whiskey on my breath and still not cry.

Inner and outer life, when both are unbearable, it's hard to survive.
Yet I do. I don't rip myself apart or drown in the ocean of misery. I only become more cynical and sadistic.
Is that not good? For me? For the world is overflowing with the likes of you.
I am stronger now. But still a messed up teenager who is weak on her legs.
Where is salvation?
Where is love?
Nowhere is the sky blue, for there is a dark filter over my eyes.
My mind casts a shadow on your memories.
Yes, I love you no more.

P.S.- touches are stronger than you thought they were.

~ Pixie

Smells like love...

It’s the time to feel the rain. Feel the sensation of each droplet on my skin.
And don't forget the thunders...the dark clouds. I love the smell of the mud after rain soothing my heart in a calm and strange manner..
Now fall into reality please -_-
 Yes, Summer has gone away so long. But why is it still hot?

I feel suffocated sometimes. Not by the hotness of weather, but by people around me.

But sometimes the city let me fly…. And I fly like I can never fall. And I don’t.

Is it time I fall in love? Or is it time I run away?

It’s been so long since someone has hugged me, loved me, and made me feel alive.

I thought love came, but it wasn’t love.

And Now I’m in a dilemma again. There’s a beautiful blackhole. It calls me up and pulls me near. I can’t resist it. It is in my mind, in my heart, telling me to jump in it all the time.

But once I jump, I can never come back.

Where life would take me? Why can’t I find comfort?

Serenity…solace?

Hold me, and tell me it’s ok. Tell me you are not a blackhole, you are just another nice guy under that attractive mask. Tell me.

Or not.
Rain comes, and goes away.
So do people.
So will you.
Will you?

P.S.- I love you.

~Yours Pixie

Somewhere down the road, lives a lonely heart.

Winter is on its way to bead good bye.
It won’t wait long.
It won’t wait for me to embrace it.
I just don’t wanna let it go.

Why is the heart so dusty and dull today?
Why don’t the eyes shine anymore?
Why do I miss the colors of my sky?
I miss its blue and golden beams. They used to paint my mornings and afternoons.
But its frozen stars stay awake at night. I don’t pretend to be alone; I sleep with them.

Laziness and study are interrelated. Whenever I open the textbook, I feel sleepy or hungry.
I really want to get away from this mechanical world and live in some alien planet where beauty and love caresses the minds.
But board exams won’t listen to my heart. They hang like a knife over my head.
I feel so stressed.
I miss the old days.
Did I mention that they were so good for me?
…May be.
Actually I was too busy dreaming of future that I couldn’t feel the hidden essence of that time.
Now, when loneliness surrounds me and nothingness takes me to semi-asleep mood, I get lost in those memories and make myself live them once again.

But I never missed out the world around me. It’s still same beautifully ugly. Still I love it so much.
Don’t know why.

May be because your dreams are buried in here, somewhere.

Enough for now.
It’s time to go, put back myself into real life and shed silent tears I never cried.
But I’ll be back soon. I promise.
Shine on …
:)

P.S.- I love you

~ Yours Pixie

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